Why doesn’t anyone change the toilet paper? – Orange County Register

Sometimes, you just need to bring in an expert to help you out. I think I’m in that position now.

See, my teenagers have mastered cold fusion, found the unifying principle of physics and they can even figure out how to reconfigure the cords on the back of our flat-screen TV, but there’s something important they simply cannot master:

How to change the roll on the toilet paper holder.

Every week, I walk into their bathroom – which also contains the only shower in our tiny house –and find the toilet paper holder looking bereft and empty, with just a brown cardboard roll clinging to it.

This is clearly sad evidence of the moral decay affecting our American civilization.

See, it’s not hard to find the extra rolls of TP in our house, they’re in the cabinet under the sink, 24 inches from the toilet paper holder. And, when I tell you I shop at Costco, you know there’s enough paper under there to last at least until the Rapture comes.

Unfortunately, my kids have not mastered the art of removing said paper rolls from the cabinet, taking off the paper wrapper, and inserting it onto the holder built into the wall for that purpose.

Sometimes, they try their best: They just balance the new roll on top of the empty holder, hoping it won’t fall off. This hurts my heart, when I ponder the depths of their ignorance.

I would be willing to overlook if they put the paper on in the wrong direction, if it just made it onto the roll.

I even buy Scott Tissue, the kind with 1,000 sheets, just so it has to be changed less often. Doesn’t matter a whit.

Awhile back, I know one dad got frustrated enough by this same scenario that he recorded an instructional video on YouTube for his kids. It must have struck a cord, because it got a million hits.

I’ve discussed, and yelled, and threatened, and punished, and sweet-talked, and begged, and pleaded, and argued and guilted, and nothing I can figure out will work.

So I figure perhaps I can get a dog trainer in here, one who’s…

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