Samantha Bee is taking no prisoners in her approach to the recent Harvey Weinstein scandal. On Wednesday night’s episode of “Full Frontal with Samantha Bee,” the late-night host skewered male executives’ behavior around women in the workplace.
The mock-PSA features Bee giving helpful hints to male executives who might be tempted to masturbate in front of colleagues.
“Fellas, I’m a big comedy star slash Hollywood executive, and I’ve found that it’s quite easy not to masturbate in front of my employees,” Bee begins in the sketch. “In fact, it’s one of the easiest things I don’t do. Every day, I wake up, get dressed, take the subway to work, and then don’t masturbate in front of anyone.”
“Next time you get the urge to masturbate,” Bee continued, “just ask yourself, ‘Am I in front of an employee or a colleague?’ And if the answer is yes, don’t. Just don’t.”
She went on to share some commentary on the appearance of male genitalia, hammering down the importance of not exposing oneself in public.
“And also, while I have you here, men, I’m sorry to break this to you” — the camera panned in on Bee’s face — “but your dick is ugly. No one wants to see your dick in any context,” she explained. “Even the straightest, horniest woman who loves you the most is hoping you can get it inside her without her having to look at it, so definitely don’t show it to strangers, don’t text pics of it to people, and don’t whip it out at film festivals. Your dick is objectively the worst part about you.”
She finished by advising that even when the act is requested, men should probably consider the reasons behind someone’s acquiescence.
“Don’t masturbate in front of people who haven’t specifically asked you to, and even then, stop and ask yourself, ‘What is our power dynamic?’” she stated. “‘Is there a chance in hell that this person might only be agreeing to see my hideous dick out of fear…