Despite the fact that the majority of us exist as a result of our parents having sex, there is nothing more horrifying than being forced to remember the fact that the people you call Mom and Dad once rubbed genitals with each other.
Even if not walking in on the parents mid-thrust, stumbling across artifacts of their carnal predilections can be a reality-shifting event in the life of a child. Possibly more so, because it’s evidence that they’re having something other than vanilla, procreational, missionary sex.
We asked people to tell us about stumbling upon the toys, costumes, porn, or other erotic doo-dads that forced them to imagine their progenitors bumping uglies.
I was like 14 maybe, and 100 percent positive my uncle was on drugs, so I decided to search his room the next time he left to find the drugs and bust him (and party with them myself). With my cousin acting as lookout, I started going through his drawers, looking behind pictures and shit like that. I opened one drawer and found a giant pocket pussy stashed in a black bag. I was shook but undeterred, so I kept looking, sure I’d still find the drugs.
I gave up my search when I opened his computer briefcase to find A USED TAMPON IN A PLASTIC SANDWICH BAG. I have no clue what exactly he was planning on doing with it, but it was clearly being saved for some shameful, pervy purpose.
– Ashley, Montebello, California
Looking for socks in my mom’s top drawer, I found a solid glass banana—yellow and green-tipped—shoved behind her belongings. I’d seen this downstairs in the cabinet before, a typical, once innocent, household decoration. I don’t think I initially processed that she was using it for sexy time stuff but remembered previously thinking to myself that it would make for a great dildo, but there was no way in hell it would fit. When it clicked later that this was her toy, I was actually proud to have such a thrifty and creative mother, even when it came to her choice in sex toys. Always stepping out…